New address, same deal.
Welcome to August, a new look for the newsletter, and a peek at my relentless quest to optimize my life.
Hello, friends! Welcome to The Tiny Newsletter!
Many of you will notice the new look and new location on Substack (exciting, non?)! I’m hoping migrating here will provide a little more integration into my life. Will it work? I have no idea! Stick around to find out! This decision was primarily motivated by money because I’ve found a new esthetician. Will her magical facials be more expensive than my previous newsletter hosting service? Yes. Do I still feel like it’s pretty much equal? Yes. You can feel free to picture me typing this newsletter looking downright dewy, whereas I previously looked like this.
I wrote a post on Instagram earlier this month after one of my son’s friends was involved in what can only be described as a freak accident: a devastating spinal injury during a game at camp. There’s no one to blame, nothing to understand, only a new normal to navigate.
When I’m confronted with pain that feels too great to manage, I usually begin by trying to out-busy my emotions. Prior to any vacation and when I’m feeling big feelings are the two conditions when I’m most erratic and most productive. I wrote in my post about the ways I push past that habit to access my feelings: listening to music, finding space to rest, moving my body. These small steps are the same ones that paved the way back from the darkest days of my depression and they still serve me now, helping me move from head to heart.
It’s almost time to get back to school which, again, brings up feelings, particularly this year as Nolan and I sit together at the dining room table, as I read the first drafts of his college essays, as I marvel at the young man who just yesterday was singing along to Billy Joel while spearing small cubes of cheese at the kitchen counter with a dull plastic fork. How can this be happening? How can we hold all the good and terrible and miraculous and heartbreaking and then just pop over to CVS to buy pimple patches for perimenopausal acne? It’s absurd.
In July, despite all the opportunities for perspective, I found myself fretting that I haven’t had time to work on my novel. But the truth is there was time. July simply wasn’t the right time to work on it. It was the time to let the ideas seed and germinate, a time to read other books and remind myself why I’d like to write another one, a time to be on the lake with our friends and my parents and wonder at how the sky can be so gorgeous. Acceptance is a challenge for me, because I’m typically a fan of Forcing It: too-strenuous workouts and over-discussed disagreements are my specialties, but I’m open to other opportunities. Part of my recovery from burnout was learning that enough is enough. The unshelved books will be there tomorrow. The sheets can go another day (or more) before they’re washed. I cannot force growth to suit my unnecessarily frenetic pace.
So here’s what I’ll be thinking about in August: what’s the next right step? Is it the right time to work on an outline and face my fears of plot and character development? Or perhaps the right time will fall in the middle of the month, once we’ve experienced Nolan’s last first day of high school, once I’m done delivering meals to band camp and dealing with a garden variety of ear infections. Maybe more needs will come up, because more always comes up.
But we’re not without agency (ironically, this was part of the very valuable feedback from another writer regarding one of my characters in that dogged first draft). We can choose mindfully. Caring for people around us is healthy and good. Honoring and fostering empathy is good. Tending to our goals and dreams is also good. But discerning what’s right for a given day or week or season requires attention to our feelings and our worlds and our hearts, and we can only manage it when we stop to ask the question of ourselves: what’s my next right step? (Remember, it could be a nap, especially if you have teenagers who live by airport rules.)
This tiny community means so much to me, and I want it to be a place where we can cheer each other on. I’m preeeeetty sure we can comment on this post, which I would LOVE, but again, I’m new and decided to make this change on Thursday, August 1 instead of being reasonable and waiting until September. (See above note on Forcing It.) If you’re willing, share your next right step in the comments. I love the idea of bearing witness to where you’re headed.
As always, thanks for being here and for reading my words. The book made me an author, but it is you who makes me a writer. I’m forever grateful.
xx
julie
I struggled to catch the reading rhythm in July, but felt so grateful when I finally did. Reading truly is sustenance for me, so having that part of my self-care in place always feels aligned, especially in seasons with very little routines (looking at you, summer). But in the end I found a few books I really enjoyed!
NEARLY DEPARTED
Loved this memoir by Gila Pfeffer about her radical mastectomy that revealed she already had the breast cancer that had taken both her mother and grandmother’s lives. Gila strikes a great balance between reverent and funny. She captures the universal absurdity of life: your world may be falling apart, but you still have to go to the grocery store. If you like memoirs on audio, hers will be out on 8.12 and I think it would be fantastic in that format.
SANDWICH
Started this book, finished about half, wasn’t sure I liked it, shifted to another book, and now I’m back to finish it. The jury is still out for me but I’m struggling to find why I’m ambivalent. Catherine Newman’s writing is excellent—she’s a gifted writer and her previous title, We All Want Impossible Things, easily earned its permanent place on my shelf, but I think it may be a question of stakes (look at me, trying to learn about plot). It feels like an Ann Patchett book. Ann Patchett is wildly talented but sometimes her books don’t land for me. Will report back to the three of you who really wanted this level of detail.
ALL THE COLORS OF THE DARK
A few of my Bookstagram friends have already called this their favorite book of the year. I did really love so much about it, but the length tripped me up at a few points (it’s 608 pages, and somewhere in the middle I called my mom and said, “I really need Chris Whitaker to stop identifying the plants and move along”). But the last hundred pages or so? Perfection that made it all worthwhile.
DEATH VALLEY
This book is weird. I really liked it. I think you could too as long as you’re willing to suspend reality, appreciate surrealism, and be into literary fiction (I’m into literary fiction just enough that I know I’m missing whatever the cactus represents; this is why I only read a little literary fiction because I don’t need to hurt my own feelings). Melissa Broder’s writing makes it work and there were some absolute gems of wisdom and truth hidden in this strange tale.
Don’t miss my interview with Gila! I know I promised these would be under twenty minutes, and now I promise that I will try to make the next one under twenty minutes. But it’s worth your time—I haven’t stopped thinking about the importance and beauty of shiva since our conversation.
Substack has a podcast feature so I’ll try and translate these to a pod format for those of you who’d prefer to listen and not watch me wave my hands about in the air. Stay tuned.
I’ve been off audiobooks (though I just requested one from the library because I am Fiscally Responsible—I’ll be reading LENNY MARKS GETS AWAY WITH MURDER in just ten short weeks). But in the meantime, I don’t want you to miss these three podcast episodes I loved in July. Message me if you listen because I’m dying to talk about them—I was so moved.
Kelly Corrigan Wonders: Rainn Wilson
Want more? Click below to learn more about my memoir and to follow me on Instagram! I’d say I’m at least mildly entertaining over there.
Great to see you on Substack, Julie! I'm new here too and am loving it so far ... next steps are to create an editorial calendar of sorts and determine a consistent posting schedule ... AND stick to it!
What an honor to see my book cover next to 3 other such esteemed titles ! Thanks for having my on your Tiny Interview, I could have talked to you for hours (maybe I'll fly over and do that). Also welcome to Substack, you can now teach me how to optimize it